Disputes in Marriage | The Repercussions

Bismihi Ta'ala

By Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (Rahmatullahi 'Alayh)

A husband complained that he was always angry with his wife, and they continuously argued.

…There are so many such cases: If it is not the husband complaining of his wife, it is the wife complaining of her husband.

In this case, having been informed of the weaknesses of his wife, which are common to other women as well, I said: ‘I agree with you that there are weaknesses in women. However, there are also weaknesses in men. …Moreover, your anger is for worldly reasons. You are cursing your wife and inviting that same curse upon yourself...’

I then explained to him: ‘When you curse your wife on her defiance, non-compliance or her indifference to your rights, then Allah Ta’ala’s azaab^[1] descends upon her. When that punishment reaches her, she will not be the only who will suffer. As her husband, you too suffer. If she is afflicted with illness or meets up with some accident, the burden of expense falls upon you, as the husband. You will have to take care of her, and will also find difficulty in that she will not be able to see to you and the children, and the maintenance of the home, etc. And if she has to curse you, she too will find herself in a situation of trial and difficulty...’

There are those women who have the bad habit of cursing their husbands and children – and generally this is due to impatience or frustration. Instead of turning to Allah Ta’ala and making Du’aa, they utter such words, which sometimes finds acceptance in the heavens, but becomes a source of great regret.

It is due to this tendency of cursing and being ungrateful to spouses that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) directed women towards giving charity and seeking forgiveness.

Thus, when Allah Ta’ala punishes the husband or the child, then the wife or mother is left lamenting her plight.

It may be that Allah Ta’ala accepts her curse, and in a fit of anger the husband divorces the wife. He loses his wife and children and she is left in dire circumstances as a divorcee; or it may be that Allah Ta’ala accepts the curse, and as such his entire business collapses. Then poverty becomes the lot of not just the husband, but also the wife who cursed, and the children. …There are so many ways that curses are Divinely accepted.

Alhamdulillah, the husband explained the above to his wife and they both agreed that arguing and cursing was not the solution. 

Arguments are the cause of great satisfaction and joy to shaytaan, whose great effort is to destroy marriages. Arguments, in fact, indicate to shaytaan’s presence in our homes. It is the stepping stone to enmity between husband and wife, and can easily end up with divorce, a broken home and many other problems.

Who does not want a happy marriage? Who does not want Sukoon (tranquility) in marriage? ...However, to achieve this, some effort has to be made. We just have to train ourselves to adopt Hilm (tolerance) and Sabr (patience) at times, and learn to curb the tendency to argue and fight – which is otherwise common even for the most petty reasons.

If we can all keep before us the following Hadeeth and have Yaqeen and conviction on the words of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam), many arguments would not even surface and there would be peace and tranquility: “I guarantee a house in the outskirts of Paradise to the  one who forsakes argument even when he is in the right.’

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[1] Azaab : punishment

Holding a good opinion of the deceased

By Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (Rahmatullahi ‘alayh)

After a Believer is buried, we should not have the opinion that he or she is suffering the ‘azaab’ (punishment) of ‘Qabr’[1], even if he or she was involved in sin. We should hold a good opinion of the dead.

Imam Abu Dawood (Rahmatullah ‘alaih) narrated that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam)  said : “Make mention of the virtues of your dead, and refrain from (mentioning) their evils.”

It may well be that he (or she) has already secured Divine Forgiveness. We do not know which action of the deceased, during his lifetime, earned him the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and gained him, najaat (salvation) and Jannah[2]. Moreover, the deceased has already traversed where we still have to journey. What do we know of the conditions to meet us at the time of death and after?

Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam)  said : ‘Forgiveness was granted to a prostitute. She came upon a dog at the mouth of a well, that was panting, and about to die of thirst. She took off her leather sock, tied it with her headscarf, and drew some water from the well for the dog. It was for this act of kindness that she was forgiven her sins.’

When Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) was asked, ‘Are we rewarded even for good we do to animals?’

Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) replied : ‘Reward is given for good done to any living creature.’

Reading such incidents does not mean that we just look for some thirsty dog, give it some water and then be confident of our forgiveness. Every Hadeeth Shareef must be understood in its proper context and perspective.

…Does a person steal a day before the President’s birthday because he heard that the president of the country gives amnesty and releases many prisoners on his birthday?

Even though Allah Ta’ala’s Mercy and Forgiveness searches for opportunities, do not be fooled and misled by shaytaan to commit sins based on this fact.

Whilst there is no doubt that Allah Ta’ala is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful, Allah Ta’ala also punishes those who are persistent in sins and negligent in obedience.

Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur`aan Shareef :

‘…But verily your Lord is full of forgiveness for mankind for their wrong-doing. And verily your Lord is (also) strict in punishment.’

[Surah Ra’d 13 : 6]

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[1] Qabr : literally means, grave. (Also refers to that period after death till the Day of Resurrection.)

[2] Jannah : Paradise

Prescription : Thoughts of sinning

by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (Rahmatullahi  ‘alayh)

There are many people who are very anxious and troubled when the thought of sinning comes into their minds. Whilst shaytaan whispers such thoughts, inviting and tempting towards sins, we should not entertain them.

I often present the analogy that our minds can be likened to a national highway. Whilst traveling on the highway, we find different kinds of vehicles and conveyances – luxury cars, old cars, trucks, bicycles, motorbikes, etc. Many a time, animals are seen being transported : horses, cows and even pigs. If we find ourselves driving behind a truck transporting pigs, then even though it is something that disgusts us, we do not leave off traveling that highway. All that we have to do is indicate, accelerate, overtake and continue driving.

Similarly, our mind is like that national highway and all kinds of thoughts travel the mind – good and bad. When evil thoughts visit our minds, we should just pass them. We should not intentionally bring them into the mind or entertain them when they do come to mind. Simply ignore them.

Despite the thought being bad, no sin is recorded against. In fact Hazrat Abu Hurairah (Radhiyallahu anhu) mentioned that Nabi (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) had said that if a servant has an inclination towards some evil but does not act upon it, one good is written of good deeds.

Another analogy which I have also presented in explanation is :

If during the blessed month of Ramadaan, whilst sitting at the dastarkhaan, waiting for Iftaar, many delicious foods are placed before a person, and the thought comes to his mind, to eat this or partake of that, then there is no sin in regard to those thoughts. As long as the person does not eat anything, his fast will not break and there will be no sin on the mere thought of eating the different delicacies coming to his mind.

Read more from the book, “Combating the Whisperings of shaytaan”

Securing rewards in marriage

Bismihi Ta'ala

The sawaab (reward) for the sabr (patience) a woman exercises over her difficulties in managing the home of her husband and fulfilling the rights of her husband and children sometimes is such, which makes her ‘reach’ Allah Ta’ala very quickly. This, however, is conditional to her obedience to Allah Ta’ala; fulfilling His Rights, the Rights of His Rasul (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi waSallam), as well as the Rights of His Creation.

Women who have a number of children, sometimes even a temperamental husband, together with many household chores and other responsibilities sometimes think that they cannot achieve the ranks of the Auliya Allah[1] because they do not have time for ‘wazeefas’[2] and Nawaafil (optional prayers).

I tell them that they need not worry about too many wazeefas. The most important ‘wazeefa’ is abstinence from all sins. Added to this they should just correct their niyyah or intention in all that they are doing as routine housework. Make the intention of pleasing Allah Ta’ala, then that same housework becomes Ibaadah. In this simple way, they will easily secure great rewards and the same spiritual stages, if not higher.

Similarly, the sawaab for the sabr (patience) a man exercises over his wife’s shortcomings, emotional outbursts or mood swings is a medium by which he too acquires great rewards and reaches Allah Ta’ala very, very quickly.

Many Auliyaa Allah reached great spiritual heights, and were accepted for tremendous service to Deen on the patience they adopted with their wives, and on the love, care, affection, tenderness and generosity they also extended to their wives.

Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi waSallam) set the perfect example for husbands. Despite the tremendous responsibilities that he was entrusted with, he gave due attention and time to his wives and treated them with love and generosity. He was never harsh or insensitive towards any single wife.

Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi waSallam) also said: “The best amongst the Believers is he is whose character is the best. And the best among you is the one who is best towards his wife.”

By Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel (RA)

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[1] Auliya Allah : Friends of Allah Ta’ala

[2] Wazeefas : additional, optional supplications

New Online Publication

Bismihi Ta'ala

EXTRACT

Ikhlaas

Sometimes, there are many  fruit on one branch, while on other branches of the tree, there are very few fruit. Have you not seen such a thing?

There are some guava or mango trees where some of the branches are laden with fruit, while other branches are barren, due to the sun not shining on that part of the tree.

In the same way, it depends on which branch of Deen, Ikhlaas is directed on. That branch will bear the most fruit, where the Khidmat is accompanied with Ikhlaas.

Sometimes, there are lots of branches on a tree. In the same way, there can be lots of Madaaris, Makaatib[1] or Muballigheen[2] but this quantity does not affect the quality of the fruit. The quality depends on the level of Ikhlaas.

A person who is out in Jamaat and he has Ikhlaas, will bear sweet fruit – in his efforts. The people who then join that Jamaat will be attracted towards the person, and will change their lives, Insha-Allah.

The Sweetness of Ikhlaas

The same effect is found in other works of Deen. We often find a branch with fruit which is extremely sour. You will find on a grapevine that some bunches of grapes are sweet while others are sour. So in Deen also, the sweet “grapes” will be found on the branch which was touched by the “sunlight” of Ikhlaas. This is what we need to become: like sweet grapes. This is attained by adopting Ikhlaas....

READ THE BOOK HERE

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[1] Makaatib: Primary level madrasahs

[2] Muballigheen: Those who propagate and preach Islam

Business and Salaah

Bismihi Ta'ala

One person asked me: “I am in my businesses from the morning, and from the business I proceed to the Masjid, for Zuhr, then Asr and Maghrib. I join the Salaah with “Allahu Akbar”, but then it seems as if the whole business comes into that Salaah. How do I get concentration?”

I replied: “You came out of business and went directly into Salaah. At least your complaint is about your business which is consuming your thoughts while in Salaah. Others complain of their Salaah being contaminated with television, pornography, sport, video games, etc. They too hear the Azaan, enter into Salaah, but their complaint is that the images of filthy women come before them, in their Sajdas… (Na uzu Billah).”

People have written to me, at a loss, because their minds are picturing Haraam in that Sajda … that Sajda where they are supposed to be closest to Allah Ta’ala.”

I then explained: “Allah Ta’ala’s Ihsaan (Favour) is always all-embracing, so He granted to us the Sunnah Salaah before the Fardh Salaah. It is only Maghrib which is read immediately after the Azaan. 

When it comes to the Salaah, we should not wait for the Azaan and thereafter proceed to the Masjid or Musallah. If a person has no excuse, he should be in the Masjid, by the time the Azaan is completed, preferably having completed his Wudhu. After responding to the Azaan and making a Du’aa (since this is a time of the acceptance of Dua), the Sunnah Salaah should be read. Unfortunately we complete 4 Rakaats in one minute ‘flat’. We want to show speed in Salaah, since we cannot show speed in any marathon.

If carried out as is Sunnah, the 4 Rakaats of Sunnah will take about 5 minutes. After that Sunnah Salaah, there will still be a few minutes left before the Jamaat Salaah commences. During those minutes, make Istighfaar, Taubah, think of Aakhirah and accountability and presentation of deeds on the Day of Qiyaamah. Reflect on one’s life. What if my death has to come now?

Like this, you cut off from the business and from worldly thoughts as much as possible.

Now commences the Fardh Salaah, by which time 80% of the heart will be in that Salaah, Insha-Allah. If the effort continues, the person will experience “Mi`raj” in his Salaah.”

Alhamdulillah, many, having followed through with this advice, have found a world of difference in their Salaah.

When the Sahaba-e-Kiraam (RA) entered Salaah, how is it that they were able to maintain their Khushoo in Salaah, why is it that they were not disturbed by worldly thoughts – like how we are plagued with worldly thoughts?

They too came into Salaah from the business world, yet proceeded directly into the Mi`raj of Salaah. The Kaifiyyat was different. From the time they commenced preparation for their Salaah, making Wudhu, etc. the kaifiyat was different. It was very unlike our condition: We are talking, joking and laughing, and enter the Masjid in this manner. They, on the other hand, truly understood and believed that they are now going to stand before Allah Ta’ala – as will be on the Day of Qiyamah.

Theirs was the condition as described in the Ayah: “The person who feared standing before Allah (on the Day of Qiyamah) and restrained himself from evil desires…” 

So then why was it that their Salaah was not affected, and they were not diverted or distracted by what they were, until then, occupied with? After all, they too were in business and trade, they too were in agriculture and other avenues of earning a living. They were also selling different items, selling animals, planting crops, moving into foreign lands and engaging in big business.

Allah Ta’ala says in Surah Noor:

"Men whom neither commerce nor sale distracts from the remembrance of Allah and performance of Salaah (prayer) and giving of Zakaah (charity). They fear a Day in which the hearts and eyes will (fearfully) turn about..."

[Surah Noor 24 : 37]

Men, whose businesses and transactions, exporting and importing, do not divert them from the remembrance of Allah Ta’ala, do not distract them from the establishment of Salaah, and giving Zakaah …

One very beautiful point which Allah Ta’ala brought to my heart in respect to why the Sahaba-e-Kiraam (RA) were not disturbed in their concentration was the fact that they are the men – the true believing men, whose businesses did not prevent them from obedience or divert their attention.

Why was their Salaah not affected even though they came out of business? ...Because they came out of one Ibaadah into another.

Therefore, from one Ibaadah, they simply entered into another Ibaadah.  They were conscious of Allah Ta’ala’s presence at all times, even in their businesses. Thus, their business was also “Zikrullah”. The same awareness was required for Salaah but this was their condition at all times.

In their businesses, they were cautious. In their trade, their talking, selling, purchasing were all carried out in the manner sanctioned by Shari’ah. Their intentions were noble, their efforts were clean and their earnings, Halaal and pure. They worked so as not to have to extend their hands and beg of others, they worked to support their families, to contribute to good causes, to assist others, to give Zakaah, to go for Hajj and so forth. Their intentions were correct and their businesses were conducted in the manner approved by Allah Ta’ala. That person who has made his business into Ibaadah, then his concentration will remain in Salaah. …

It does not mean that a person is just holding a Tasbeeh all the time, and  reading:  ‘SubhanAllah, SubhanAllah…’. 

Hazrat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi (RA) mentioned, that if a person is selling – for example, mangoes  - and  goes on repeating : “Mangoes, Mangoes …”, he will get the reward of Tasbeeh, because the person’s effort is to acquire Halaal sustenance.  

So the Sahabah (RA) were conscious of Allah Ta’ala’s presence and were mindful of all the Ahkaam (Laws) pertaining to trade and business, so they simply moved from one Ibaadah to another. Unlike us, our businesses are not Ibaadah. How many can say that their business is Ibaadah? When does the business become Ibaadah?

When we apply the laws of Shari’ah in that business, that is, in the transactions, deals, importing, exporting, there is that conscious realization and understanding that we are slaves of Allah Ta’ala and He is the one that sends Rizq (sustenance); He is sending customers as means of our livelihood.

As an example: A person hands over a parcel or gift and pays the post office or courier service to deliver it. The parcel is thus delivered. Whether the postman or the courier, do we thank him for the parcel? We thank him for the delivery, but we understand that the postman was the means of us receiving the parcel. The giver was someone else. We understand that. So we do not forget the giver.

Similarly, Allah Ta’ala is the Provider. He uses people to deliver our Rizq – in different ways.

If we apply the laws of Shari’ah: We do not deal in Haraam, we are honest and truthful, we do not hide defects, we do not cheat, deceive and so forth, then that Tijarah becomes Ibaadah - and from that Ibaadah, we enter the Ibaadah of Salaah.

If we engage in Haraam, in interest and cheat, our dealings are not straight, our employees are strange women, dressed scantily, there is music playing, and we promote Christmas, Valentines, Diwali – then this is definitely and most certainly not Ibaadah. In fact, this will invite Allah Ta’ala’s Anger and Curse and deprive the person of Barakah (blessings) in his business and earnings. 

Haraam indicates that there is no conscious awareness of Allah Ta’ala. The person’s concentration in Salaah will be seriously affected.

It is left to us to turn business into Ibaadah. It is not impossible. It is something that will always, always be workable and viable – in any time and age.

May Allah Ta’ala grant us the Taufeeq of being Rijaal – true believing men - who are not distracted by commerce or sale, from the remembrance of Allah Ta’ala, who perform Salaah, give Zakaah willingly and happily and who fear Allah Ta’ala in their business undertakings. 

By Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (RA)