Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
There are many customs and trends which
have their affiliation with the non-Muslim culture and lifestyle. Many Muslims,
due to being afflicted with what appears to be a truly insecure and inferior
complex, look towards and choose the customs and trends of the non-Muslims over
that of the beautiful Sunnah. It seems as if the need is to secure a kind of
acceptance in a non-Muslim society and just blend in with them – so that we are
not recognized as Muslims.
Bridal Showers and Baby Showers have
become synonymous with the Muslim lifestyle as it is with the rest of the non-Muslim
lifestyle. Many may ask: What’s wrong with giving gifts, congratulating the
bride-to-be or the new mother, or having a get together with friends?
There is nothing wrong with giving the
bride or the new mother, a gift, or congratulating the person. To give a gift
and congratulate are from the teachings of Islam – and would draw rewards … but
there are conditions to be met in even these noble deeds.
What is extremely wrong and objectionable is
the background to these good deeds. They are not within the parameters of Shari’ah.
The picture
of a typical bridal shower and baby shower is not typical with the Sunnah. It
is typical of the non-Muslim way of life. By following suit, we fall into the
sin of “Tashabbu bil Kuffaar” (emulating the disbelievers). It is aligning
oneself with those who have rejected Allah Ta’ala, who live their lives in
immorality and disobedience.
Nikah is a great Ibaadah. Pregnancy and
the birth of a child also have their requisites in Islam. However, the west has commercialized all of these noble occasions, and
made them into money-making events. The sacredness of these occasions is
forgotten.
…Today, Nikahs have taken on a distinct
mould of a Hollywood or Bollywood style wedding – where the bride is dressed to
look like a Christian bride or a Bollywood actress – with no sign of Islam on
her; and the groom is dressed in a suit and tie, looking like a typical
Christian groom.
Adding insult to injury is the
extravagance and open sin at the time of the wedding and Walimah. One’s mind
moves in the direction of the millions and millions who are suffering famine
and starvation, who have no home, no water, no food, no clothing – but the
Muslim ignores all that suffering just for some fleeting attention and praise.
All those hundreds of thousands of Rands
wasted on draping a hall, on dressing the chairs, on wine glasses, on
musicians, photography, on wedding cards that are thrown away, etc. is money, which could have been the means of alleviating
the plight of so many suffering people.
One brother handed me an elaborate invitation
card for his daughter’s wedding. I enquired as to the cost of the wedding card,
and was told that each card cost R50. Advising him, I told him that almost all
people throw away wedding cards. People generally dispose of them. So he should
regard that as people throwing away hundreds of his R50 notes. Would he throw
R50 notes into a bin? No. However, the throwing away of those cards is equal to
throwing away R50 notes. That same money could have been used in making the Aakhirah.
Even those who are known to be religious
will waste thousands on halls, on décor, etc. sacrificing the pleasure of Allah
Ta’ala and Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam). Those who were meant to
set the noble example of the Sunnah, who we expect are living the Sunnah – knowingly
choose to forsake the Sunnah. Simplicity, which is part of Imaan, is a
rare sight in these times.
Hazrat ‘Ayesha (Radhiyallahu ‘anha) related
that Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said: ‘Verily, the most blessed Nikah is that which involves the
least difficulty (expenditure).’
We have a perfect Sunnah – a perfect way
of life in the life of our Nabi (Sallallaahu
‘alayhi wa-Sallam) and in the lives of his companions, men and women. We
have what is superior to all other cultures yet we consider everything else. It
shows great weakness if we give preference to the culture of the Christians,
Jews and Idolators over the noble Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa-Sallam). We are exchanging diamonds for stones… and what an unprofitable
exchange this is! What a great loss!
Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa-Sallam) said: “Whoever emulates a nation is from amongst them.”
In another Hadith, it is stated: “A person is with whom he loves.”
Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa-Sallam) also said that we will be raised
on the Day of Judgment with those whom we imitate in this worldly life. (May
Allah Ta’ala save us from such disgrace and humiliation.)
Emulating the non-Muslim culture is one
downfall but there are many more that are found in the Bridal and Baby Showers.
The non-Muslims have coined a novel
concept of begging – especially amongst the upper-class. It seems as if some, from amongst the wealthy,
have developed an art to begging. They even have a name for it. In the name of
Bridal Showers, Baby Showers, Registries, people gracefully and politely extend
their hands, and they ask and take from others.
The bride-to-be chooses her gifts from exclusive
stores that offer a “registry” or she unashamedly hands out a list of those
items she wants gifted to her. In the process, she places pressure and financial
difficulty and sometimes a great burden on others - to purchase those gifts
that she has chosen.
At the get-together, these gifts and other
gifts are presented to the bride-to-be, who opens them and shows them to all
present – and each person can assess the kind of money that was spent on the
gift given. Let us now consider the various wrongs in this act:
·
A person is
forced to purchase gifts that the bride has chosen – which may be beyond her
budget in spending.
· A person who
gives something simple or inexpensive will feel ashamed and embarrassed,
considering the manner in which gifts are being received and shown to others.
The Hadith encourages giving gifts because
giving gifts creates Muhabbah (love). If
Muhabbah is not created then this proves that either the giver or receiver in
insincere. Sometimes, people give with intentions other than expressing their
Muhabbah. However, there are many who request or are desirous of receiving and
there is a kind of greed from the receiving side. This request or expectation
(Ishraaf) reveals insincerity from the one who is receiving.
A gift must be given happily and willingly
– and should be received graciously and thankfully. This is the Sunnah. However,
when we ask of people, as in the case of registries, etc. – people will give,
but they give unhappily and unwillingly. And if some gift is given, which is
not to our liking, then we receive it without any appreciation and thanks. This
is our lamentable condition.
Another aspect that has also been brought
to attention is the immorality and shamelessness at such gatherings – with
indecent talk, shameless dressing by Muslim women, inappropriate games, music,
dancing and such filthy entertainment, that we would not want to bring on to
our tongues. It is not permissible for a person to attend such gatherings. The Shari'ah instructs us:
A bride-to-be is known for
her modesty and shyness – but all of this is lost in adopting the culture of
the non-Muslims. Their dressing and their fashion nurtures immodesty. Added
to this, these sins are publicized and photographs are taken and uploaded on
social media – for all and sundry to view the level of our degeneration.
"IT IS NOT PERMISSIBLE TO BE PRESENT IN A GATHERING WHERE ALLAH TA'ALA IS BEING DISOBEYED."
Moreover, a person's presence is
aiding in promoting and glorifying what is not permissible. We are told not to
assist each other in sin; rather to assist in what is righteous:
"Help each
other in righteousness and piety, and do not help each other in sin and
aggression."
[Surah Al-Maa'idah 5 : 2]
The heart
bleeds at this miscarriage of the Sunnah. …Nay, this abortion of the Sunnah.
How will we meet our Beloved Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) on the Day of
Judgment? How will we show our faces to the one whose entire life was sacrificed
so that today we be the reciters of the Kalimah?
May Allah Ta’ala have mercy upon us since
we stand to lose by adopting this culture. If we continue in this line and
direction, we will lose the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and we will lose the great rewards for enlivening and practising the Sunnah.
We also stand to lose the
companionship of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayh wasallam) at the fountain of
Kauthar on the Day of Judgment and even stand to lose the success of our marriages due
to having sacrificed the beautiful, noble Sunnah by means of our emulation of
the Hollywood and Bollywood culture.
If our
allegiance is to Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam),
then there should be no delay in repentance and mending our ways and coming
back to what is pure and beautiful – Islam and the Sunnah. In this, is the success of both worlds.
May Allah Ta’ala grant us the
understanding, the concern and the Taufeeq of Aml.
by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (Rahmatullahi ‘alayh)
