Bismillahir Rahmaanir
Raheem
LETTER
ELEVEN
Children
Question
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum warahmatullah
Alhamdulillah, I am in Hijaab and
punctual with Salaah and I try to please Allah Ta’ala and follow the Sunnah.
However, since I have had my daughter, I find bringing her up to be very trying
and sometimes I lose my temper. She is now two years old and besides being
demanding, always wanting my attention, and disruptive, she also gets in my way
every time I make Salaah, so much so that I break my Salaah and have to start
over. I am very frustrated and take out my frustrations on my husband, who is
very loving, caring and patient towards me.
Reply
Bismihi
Ta’ala
Dear Sister,
Wa-alaykumus
Salaam wa-Rahmatullahi wa-Barakaatuhu
1.)
Masha-Allah, it is very pleasing to note the effort that
you are making to please Allah Ta’ala. May Allah Ta’ala grant Istiqaamah[1]
and acceptance.
2.)
Islam has conferred upon the mother great rights due to
having carried a baby for nine months, and suffering weakness upon weakness;
thereafter the trauma of childbirth and the many sacrifices that follow once
the child has come into the world. On all of those sacrifices, Allah Ta’ala
grants immense rewards.
3.)
Almost all mothers describe the age of around 2 years as
the ‘terrible twos’ – because toddlers generally become stubborn and rebellious
and are a great test of patience. So you are not alone in that frustration.
Inculcate the quality of Sabr (patience) by thinking of
the great rewards.
However, you should be careful not to allow your
frustration to get the better of you, such that you begin to hit, slap or whack
the child. Many, many mothers feel that since it is their children, they can do
as they like – and it is generally not because of Tarbiyyah and discipline, but
due to the frustration of their nafs. This frustration is then taken out on
their children, and often it is ‘Zulm’ (injustice). Keep in mind that your
child is a trust from Allah Ta’ala – for which you will be questioned.
When distressed or frustrated, make a lot of Dua for your
daughter – but do not ever curse, since a mother’s Dua is immediately accepted.
Read: يَا لَطِيْفُ x 7
and blow on her when she is troublesome and crying. Read Durood Shareef as
well.
Add the following to your daily
Duas:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَ ذُرِّيّٰتِنَا
قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَّ اجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِيْنَ إِمَامًا◌
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and
offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
[Surah Al-Furqaan 25 : 74]
4.)
Anger and frustration are part of being human. However, do
not give vent to such feelings in a manner which would be unacceptable and
sinful. If you have, humbly apologize to your husband.
5.)
Express gratitude that Allah Ta’ala has blessed you with a
husband who is good. Do also show your husband, your appreciation.
6.)
You do not need to break your Salaah if she obstructs you.
You are allowed to take 2 or 3 steps back to allow for Sajda. You can even move
forward as long as you do not go beyond the place of Sajda. Such ‘obstruction’
was even caused to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Sometimes his
grandchild climbed on his back when he went into Sajdah. He prolonged his Sajdah
to allow him to get off. Such obstruction is excused.
7.) The Ibaadah of a married person is superior to that of the
Ibaadah of an unmarried person. This is because of the added responsibilities,
as well as the demands that come along with marriage and parenting.
8.) There are many good kitaabs on the upbringing of children,
which have been compiled by our respected ‘Ulama. You should try and read these
books and follow the noble guidance conveyed.
9.)
May Allah Ta’ala make easy the upbringing of your
daughter, and may He make her the coolness of your eyes and the comfort and
delight of your heart. May Allah Ta’ala make easy all your tasks.
Was-Salaamu alaykum wa-Rahmatullahi
wa-Barakaatuhu
Yunus Patel (Maulana)
[1] Istiqaamah : steadfastness
