Monday, 11 May 2015

Islaahi Correpondence | Letter Eleven | Children

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem




As-Salaamu ‘alaikum warahmatullah

Alhamdulillah, I am in Hijaab and punctual with Salaah and I try to please Allah Ta’ala and follow the Sunnah. However, since I have had my daughter, I find bringing her up to be very trying and sometimes I lose my temper. She is now two years old and besides being demanding, always wanting my attention, and disruptive, she also gets in my way every time I make Salaah, so much so that I break my Salaah and have to start over. I am very frustrated and take out my frustrations on my husband, who is very loving, caring and patient towards me.


Bismihi Ta’ala

Dear Sister,

Wa-alaykumus Salaam wa-Rahmatullahi wa-Barakaatuhu

1.)     Masha-Allah, it is very pleasing to note the effort that you are making to please Allah Ta’ala. May Allah Ta’ala grant Istiqaamah[1] and acceptance.

2.)     Islam has conferred upon the mother great rights due to having carried a baby for nine months, and suffering weakness upon weakness; thereafter the trauma of childbirth and the many sacrifices that follow once the child has come into the world. On all of those sacrifices, Allah Ta’ala grants immense rewards.

3.)     Almost all mothers describe the age of around 2 years as the ‘terrible twos’ – because toddlers generally become stubborn and rebellious and are a great test of patience. So you are not alone in that frustration.

Inculcate the quality of Sabr (patience) by thinking of the great rewards.

However, you should be careful not to allow your frustration to get the better of you, such that you begin to hit, slap or whack the child. Many, many mothers feel that since it is their children, they can do as they like – and it is generally not because of Tarbiyyah and discipline, but due to the frustration of their nafs. This frustration is then taken out on their children, and often it is ‘Zulm’ (injustice). Keep in mind that your child is a trust from Allah Ta’ala – for which you will be questioned.

When distressed or frustrated, make a lot of Dua for your daughter – but do not ever curse, since a mother’s Dua is immediately accepted.

Read: يَا لَطِيْفُ x 7 and blow on her when she is troublesome and crying. Read Durood Shareef as well.

Add the following to your daily Duas:

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَ ذُرِّيّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَّ اجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِيْنَ إِمَامًا

And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
[Surah Al-Furqaan 25 : 74]

4.)     Anger and frustration are part of being human. However, do not give vent to such feelings in a manner which would be unacceptable and sinful. If you have, humbly apologize to your husband.

5.)     Express gratitude that Allah Ta’ala has blessed you with a husband who is good. Do also show your husband, your appreciation.

6.)     You do not need to break your Salaah if she obstructs you. You are allowed to take 2 or 3 steps back to allow for Sajda. You can even move forward as long as you do not go beyond the place of Sajda. Such ‘obstruction’ was even caused to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Sometimes his grandchild climbed on his back when he went into Sajdah. He prolonged his Sajdah to allow him to get off. Such obstruction is excused. 

7.)    The Ibaadah of a married person is superior to that of the Ibaadah of an unmarried person. This is because of the added responsibilities, as well as the demands that come along with marriage and parenting.

8.)   There are many good kitaabs on the upbringing of children, which have been compiled by our respected ‘Ulama. You should try and read these books and follow the noble guidance conveyed.

9.)     May Allah Ta’ala make easy the upbringing of your daughter, and may He make her the coolness of your eyes and the comfort and delight of your heart. May Allah Ta’ala make easy all your tasks.

Was-Salaamu alaykum wa-Rahmatullahi wa-Barakaatuhu
Yunus Patel (Maulana)

[1] Istiqaamah : steadfastness