Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
As-Salaamu ‘alaykum warahmatullah
I was involved with someone who is very well-known in the community for his religious activities. He secretly courted me and promised to marry me but now I have been told that he returned to his hometown and married someone else. I feel angry and betrayed. I had trusted him so much. It is very difficult for me to accept that he has done what he has. As it is, I have so many problems at home. My father is involved with another woman and he is so abusive and violent to my own mother. And my mother just stays on, with patience. I am making plenty of Dua, but not seeing any acceptance. So I’d like to know if Allah is helping me or making my life more complicated. After all, I am also trying to give up some of my sins.
Wa-alaykumus Salaam wa-Rahmatullahi wa-Barakaatuhu
1.) One of the beliefs of a Muslim is: Whatever has befallen you, could never have missed you and whatever has missed you, could never have befallen you. …This is Taqdeer.
2.) However, the fact that the courtship was Haraam played a role in things not working out. It was Haraam to pursue the relationship. And indulgence in Haraam invites the displeasure, anger and curse of Allah Ta’ala upon such persons. When He is not happy with such a relationship, it can never be successful. …It cannot end in happiness, unless both make sincere Taubah and make the Haraam relationship Halaal, with Nikah.
3.) You mention that you placed a lot of trust in him. …You should understand that if a person is not loyal and faithful to Allah Ta’ala, he will not be loyal and faithful to you. If a person disobeys Allah Ta’ala openly, this is proof of his disloyalty. The contact that the person maintained with you was disobedience to Allah Ta’ala. He should know better since he is rendering religious services. This itself was a sign that all will not work out favourably between the two of you, because there was a lack of ‘Taqwa’ (abstinence and fear of Allah Ta’ala).
4.) Consider what has happened as the past. Forget about it. Bury it. All your questions to him will not undo what has been done. He is married and he is enjoying life, so why mourn and waste your tears over him?
5.) It is very important that you make sincere Taubah for the Haraam contact that you had with him.
6.) May Allah Ta’ala give your father Hidayah – to give up the sin or marry the woman. Some senior member of the family or an Aalim should be requested to speak to him or counsel him.
7.) May Allah Ta’ala greatly reward your mother for her patience and tolerance.
If your father is so violent and aggressive, causes such physical harm, and is not prepared to go for counseling and rectify his behaviour, then your mother should take the matter up with the social welfare department or the Jamiatul Ulama in your area for a resolution to the problem.
8.) You should definitely not make such statements as ‘Is Allah helping me or making my life more complicated…’ This is very, very dangerous for one’s Imaan and leaves one on the threshold of Kufr. It is necessary that you sincerely ask Allah Ta’ala for forgiveness for such irrational statements.
9.) Allah Ta’ala’s assistance is with those who are ‘Muhsineen’ (doers of good), those who abstain from Haraam and also fulfill all commands and rights that are directed to them.
10.) When Allah Ta’ala answered the Dua of shaytaan who was already ‘rajeem’ (rejected / accursed), why would He not answer your Dua? …Allah Ta’ala is to His Servant as is His servant’s expectation of Him. If you have doubts about Allah Ta’ala answering your Duas and being able to assist you, then you should not expect acceptance of Dua and His assistance.
…But if you have conviction, that Allah Ta’ala is Kind, Compassionate, Forgiving and Generous and He is the One who is All Powerful and that absolutely nothing is difficult for Him, and with that Imaan, you make Dua, you will see the fruit of your Dua at some stage.
11.) Masha-Allah for the efforts in giving up sins. However, all sins have to be given up, to earn the Pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. Sins such as television viewing, music, reading immoral magazines and literature, casting lustful gazes, speaking lies, gossiping, chatting over the internet with boys, etc. And of course, it should go without saying : Reading Salaah punctually, dressing modestly and fulfilling all other rights of Allah Ta’ala, of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam), of parents, and others.
12.) Befriend some good, pious Muslim girls, who will be a good influence and who will offer you encouragement.
13.) May Allah Ta’ala grant us His Recognition and Intense Love for Him.
Was-Salaamu alaykum wa-Rahmatullahi wa-Barakaatuhu
Yunus Patel (Maulana)