Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
LETTER
TWELVE
Illicit relationships
Question
As-Salaamu ‘alaykum warahmatullah
I was involved with someone who is
very well-known in the community for his religious activities. He secretly
courted me and promised to marry me but now I have been told that he returned
to his hometown and married someone else. I feel angry and betrayed. I had
trusted him so much. It is very difficult for me to accept that he has done
what he has. As it is, I have so many problems at home. My father is involved
with another woman and he is so abusive and violent to my own mother. And my
mother just stays on, with patience. I am making plenty of Dua, but not seeing
any acceptance. So I’d like to know if Allah is helping me or making my life
more complicated. After all, I am also trying to give up some of my sins.
Reply
Bismihi
Ta’ala
Dear Sister,
Wa-alaykumus
Salaam wa-Rahmatullahi wa-Barakaatuhu
1.) One of the beliefs of a
Muslim is: Whatever has befallen you,
could never have missed you and whatever has missed you, could never have
befallen you. …This is Taqdeer.
2.) However, the fact that the
courtship was Haraam played a role in things not working out. It was Haraam to
pursue the relationship. And indulgence in Haraam invites the displeasure,
anger and curse of Allah Ta’ala upon such persons. When He is not happy with such
a relationship, it can never be successful. …It cannot end in happiness, unless
both make sincere Taubah and make the Haraam relationship Halaal, with Nikah.
3.) You mention that you placed a
lot of trust in him. …You should understand that if a person is not loyal and
faithful to Allah Ta’ala, he will not be loyal and faithful to you. If a person
disobeys Allah Ta’ala openly, this is proof of his disloyalty. The contact that
the person maintained with you was disobedience to Allah Ta’ala. He should know
better since he is rendering religious services. This itself was a sign that
all will not work out favourably between the two of you, because there was a
lack of ‘Taqwa’ (abstinence and fear of Allah Ta’ala).
4.) Consider what has happened as
the past. Forget about it. Bury it. All your questions to him will not undo
what has been done. He is married and he is enjoying life, so why mourn and
waste your tears over him?
5.) It is very important
that you make sincere Taubah for the Haraam contact that you had with him.
6.) May Allah Ta’ala give your
father Hidayah – to give up the sin or marry the woman. Some senior member of
the family or an Aalim should be requested to speak to him or counsel him.
7.) May Allah Ta’ala greatly
reward your mother for her patience and tolerance.
If your father is so violent
and aggressive, causes such physical harm, and is not prepared to go for
counseling and rectify his behaviour, then your mother should take the matter
up with the social welfare department or the Jamiatul Ulama in your area for a
resolution to the problem.
8.) You should definitely not
make such statements as ‘Is Allah helping me or making my life more
complicated…’ This is very, very dangerous for one’s Imaan and leaves one on
the threshold of Kufr. It is necessary that you sincerely ask Allah Ta’ala for
forgiveness for such irrational statements.
9.) Allah Ta’ala’s assistance is with those who
are ‘Muhsineen’ (doers of good), those who abstain from Haraam and also fulfill
all commands and rights that are directed to them.
10.) When Allah Ta’ala answered the Dua of
shaytaan who was already ‘rajeem’ (rejected / accursed), why would He not
answer your Dua? …Allah Ta’ala is to His Servant as is His servant’s
expectation of Him. If you have doubts about Allah Ta’ala answering your Duas and
being able to assist you, then you should not expect acceptance of Dua and His
assistance.
…But if you have conviction,
that Allah Ta’ala is Kind, Compassionate, Forgiving and Generous and He is the
One who is All Powerful and that absolutely nothing is difficult for Him, and
with that Imaan, you make Dua, you will see the fruit of your Dua at some
stage.
11.) Masha-Allah for the efforts in giving up
sins. However, all sins have
to be given up, to earn the Pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. Sins such as television
viewing, music, reading immoral magazines and literature, casting lustful
gazes, speaking lies, gossiping, chatting over the internet with boys, etc. And
of course, it should go without saying : Reading Salaah punctually, dressing
modestly and fulfilling all other rights of Allah Ta’ala, of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam), of parents, and others.
12.) Befriend some good, pious Muslim girls, who
will be a good influence and who will offer you encouragement.
13.) May Allah Ta’ala grant us His Recognition and
Intense Love for Him.
Was-Salaamu alaykum wa-Rahmatullahi
wa-Barakaatuhu
Yunus Patel (Maulana)
